Acceptance is the key to nervous system regulation….but why?
Acceptance feels really counterintuitive in our self-help culture that is all about change and moving forward.
Be better! Do better! Break the Habit of Being Yourself! All that jazz…which isn’t necessarily bad but can also create more dissatisfaction and frustration with yourself but life is always 50/50. 50% great and 50% shit.
Accepting your life can feel like you are conceding to a giant bully and ready to willingly take whatever they are about to shell out.
Acceptance does not mean being ok with being in abusive situations or toxic relationships (but seeing those things and accepting them for what they are is a first big step in getting help or getting out).
But it gets a little confusing when you are trying to evolve, create a better life, and feel better to hear, “How can you accept your life just as it is?”
I mean it hurts your brain to think, “How do I accept this anxiety (add in your personal struggle) when I really don’t want to feel this way anymore??”
I cannot even tell you how many times I have heard from clients, “Ummmm…I can’t! I can’t accept this. It’s not ok, it’s hard, and I FREAKIN’ HATE IT!!!”
When you are in the mindset of fighting against what is and only wanting experiences in your life that bring satisfaction and pleasure, you inadvertently cause more suffering.
Suffering in life is unavoidable.
The Buddha taught that suffering is universal and seeing your suffering for what it is is the first step toward freedom!
Freedom from the pain caused by rejecting suffering.
However, something much scarier lurks under the avoidance of trying to avoid suffering: the belief that something is wrong, something is wrong in life, and even worse…something is deeply wrong with me.
That belief that something is inherently wrong with you strangles the life out of you.
It causes you to shut down, play small, impedes the flow of love and all of the things you want, and cuts off the remembering that you are already ok….exactly how you are and how things are…even when shit is really hard.
Feeling like something is inherently wrong with you makes acceptance even more challenging.
Because all you want to do is to feel like you are inherently OK, lovable, worthy, and whole.
Acceptance of yourself, your body, your life, your emotions are just the salve your soul needs to feel ok.
The more you reject yourself the greater your feeling of unworthiness and therefore increases suffering in all forms: mental health issues, addiction, toxic relationships, and even health problems.
When you reject yourself and your experiences you are essentially abandoning yourself.
You are reinforcing the experiences you had as a child of abandonment (we ALL have them) and further your disconnection to yourself, life, and the Divine.
Turning toward your life experiences and how you feel is like saying, “YES!” to yourself.
You are saying, “I see you” to the wounded child in your psyche.
That seeing is regulating to your nervous system: you feel ok, calm, and safe.
The more you say “Yes!” to yourself, your feelings and the hard parts of your life, those big feelings that you used to want to avoid or suppress lose their power over you.
You bounce back more quickly, you become more resilient.
As a human, suffering is inevitable.
Life is always going to be about 50/50, you can’t mindset, Brainspot, or therapize your way out of that.
But you can learn to accept and befriend everything that comes your way so your nervous system feels more regulated and resilient.
You also start to remember that there is not something inherently wrong with you, but you are ok…no matter what.
Start small. If there is something you really don’t want in your life, say to yourself, “I can accept this for now, for just this moment, or even fraction of a second.”
Namaste!
Nichole
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