Women’s Therapy
When A Child Is Born, So Is A Mother
Motherhood rearranges you. You leave behind the person you once were to morph into something new.
The transition can feel bumpy, lonely, and disorienting.
You grieve for that person you once were…the one that could book a trip and go anywhere without much thought, the person who could go to dinner with friends and not worry about your child or how much you are going to pay the price for being out late when your toddler wakes you up at 6am signing for breakfast, and even just one the one who could run to Target without it being an entire production of a diaper bag, treats, and getting shoes on your kid.
The YOU you once were gets lost in feeding, sleep schedules, play dates, activities, and reading gazillion articles and books from parenting “experts.”
Getting things done, remembering dates, and appointments was once an easy task now if it’s not written down it’s not going to happen.
Your brain no longer works the same, you want to focus on work, adult conversations, and the current political environment. But focus is hard, words are difficult to remember, and it’s hard to even give a shit because after all there is baby food to be made, dishes to do, clothes to be washed, and dinner to be prepped. And, oh! Is my baby attached? Happy? Healthy? Developing on track and on time??
You love your child(ren) more than words and wanted them sooooo badly but sometimes it’s hard not to guiltily wonder:
“Oh my god, who am I?”
“What have I done?”
“Do I even like my kids…and my partner???”
“Is this all there is?”
You might also start to realize how well, or how unwell, your own mother mothered. You start to see how she was able to meet your physical needs and your emotional needs….or not.
All of this is normal in motherhood: the identity shift, grief for the old self, confusion, guilt, loneliness, worry and fear, and analyzing your experience of being mothered but what is also normal the intense love and the potential to heal old wounds and grow into a new version of yourself…one that you consciously choose and direct.
Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders
However, it is also common for the shift in hormones, identity, old wounds, and the transition to motherhood to shift into something more intense, a Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorder (PMAD). The most common side effect of childbirth, but often the most unspoken.
1 in 7 women experience a PMAD.
The word “perinatal” means anytime during and after pregnancy.
So you can experience this during pregnancy.
Your chance of experiencing a PMAD is increased by several things, but here are a few:
birth trauma
a history of physical or sexual abuse
current or past mood disorder
being in an abusive or unhealthy relationship
being unable to access needed care
lack of support
financial stress
chronic stress
sensitivity to hormonal fluctuations (your hormones plummet 200% at the time of birth)
a family history of PMAD.
Every woman is at risk.
There are six diagnoses under the PMAD umbrella:
Postpartum Depression: Symptoms include anger/rage, sadness, irritability, guilt, lack of interest in the baby, changes in eating and sleeping habits, trouble concentrating, thoughts of hopelessness and sometimes even thoughts of harming the baby or themselves.
Postpartum Anxiety: Symptoms include: lots of worries and fears (often over the health and safety of the baby or their own health), panic attacks, and physical symptoms such as shortness of breath, chest pain, dizziness, a feeling of losing control, and numbness and tingling.
Postpartum Bipolar: Bipolar mood disorder can appear as a severe depression, anxiety, and cycling through the moods. You do have to have a history of bipolar to develop postpartum bipolar.
Postpartum Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: Symptom include “intrusive thoughts” which are repetitive, upsetting and unwanted or mental images (obsessions). There may be the need to do certain things over and over (compulsions) to reduce the anxiety caused by those thoughts. The thoughts are scary and rarely acted upon. This is a common experience, there is a whole book called, “Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts.”
Postpartum Post-traumatic Stress Disorder: PPTSD is usually caused traumatic or frightening childbirth or past trauma, and symptoms may include flashbacks of the trauma with feelings of anxiety and the need to avoid things related to that event.
Postpartum Psychosis: This is the rarest of the PMAD’s occurring in just 1 to 2 out of every 1,000, or approximately .1 -.2% of births. Symptoms include hallucinations: seeing and hearing voices or images that others can’t. Those with psychosis believe the things they hear and see even if they aren’t true as a result they distrust those around them. There may also be confusion, memory loss, and mania. This is a severe and dangerous condition therefore it is imperative to seek help immediately.
For a deep dive into each condition check out Postpartum Support International.
A little about me:
I experienced both postpartum anxiety and ocd. Because my symptoms weren’t in alignment with depression, I had no idea. I wasn’t teary, bedridden, or hopeless.
But I was moving at million miles per hour, not sleeping, and obsessively worried about food, medicine, toys, and the environment.
I had terrible intrusive scary thoughts about things happening to my baby that I heard about from my severely abused mental health clients.
Thank God I had my homeopath who treated my symptoms. I also took my first yoga teacher training so I learned to breathe and meditate, those things saved me.
When my kids were 4 and 6, I went back to work.
Serendipitously, I was placed on a team that supported new moms and I was given a high-level training in PMAD’s.
I was shocked.
I finally realized that I to had suffered from a PMAD. I was irritated that I had never before been trained and no one ever talked to be about PMADs.
I knew I could help other women, I wanted them to hear about what to look for and how to get help.
So, I quit my job, took an official PMAD training, and started a private practice to support women. I ran groups for new moms, postpartum depression, and moms of toddlers.
That was in 2013, I have been supporting moms ever since. I help those who suffer from the more clinical aspects of the perinatal period and those who just need support while they navigate the turbulent waters of motherhood.